322. The box

The Box is one of the most exclusive and extravagant clubs I've ever been to, hidden down a street in Soho you wouldn't even know it was there if you walked past it. Well I certainly walked past it when I first visited.

  A night where weird, crazy, bizarre and some may say disgusting things happen, yet a lot of fun. Brace yourselves for what you will read, it's a "theatre of varieties".

Where: Walkers Court (Just off Brewer Street)

Nearest tube: Piccadilly Circus

Entry: Free entry if on guest list or a table reservation is required.

Dress code: Dress to impress

The entrance just looks like two big wooden old fashioned doors, but behind these doors is a lavish Victorian decor club. Upon entering you're greeted by beautiful women, scantily clad in feathers and hot pants (I'm sure you can use your imagination) in a dimly lit room with a giant canon in the centre. With a fancy looking staircase covered in plush red carpet and highly decorated wallpaper, it feels as if you're in a rich Victorian brothel, high class yet naughty. Haha. 

The beautiful women escort you to your table and it's a pleasant change that all the staff are very friendly and accommodating. It feels so exciting and wonderful, as if you're taken into another kind of era. There are two shows each night, starting from about 1am. Now the stories I've told back to my friends of what I've seen in this club have partially scarred my friends; if you're an uptight kind this place is not for you. You will see penises and vaginas that's for sure but some of the acts are really amazing, some serious talent is needed.

So one big rule is that there are no cameras to be used in the club and no phones to be used during the show. You'll find out why...I once saw a woman dressed up as Prince with two dancers, dance around to "Kiss" and Prince whipped off her trousers and was completely starkers. Yes bottom half was naked. Then " Purple rain" came on and she stood with her legs open, the dancers placed three champagne glasses in between her legs. She then weed into the glass with great precision. They then took a glass each drank a sip and spat it out into the audience. Now I found this hilarious, maybe I'm disgusting but I just thought it was utterly ridiculous. That is however one of the more ludicrous acts. But then maybe I've been so many times I've accepted it's ludicrousness

Now I wouldn't call this place a sex club and I wouldn't call it seedy simply because it's just mental. The acts are tongue and cheek, vulgar, absurd and amazing. I know there have been reviews where they say "anything goes" but honestly, I've been there many a time and haven't seen people dry humping, whereas I could say something else for the likes of Magaluf.

The music is pretty decent as usually in exclusive clubs it's god awful commercial house with a DJ pressing play with no concept of mixing. Whereas in The Box they have a proper DJ who admittedly plays pop music but mixes it with House, Hip Hop and all sorts, you're actually having a dance to good dancey music. Upstairs there is a VIP room, now I'm pretty obliterated by the time I venture up there, but it has more of a loungey feel with velvet sofas and low ceilings. I think I remember attempting the strip pole, swinging around turned upside down but then got stuck. Yup that was a great moment.

Anyways I definitely recommend that you got to this place at least once, you won't find anything quite like it. Let me know if you go, I'd like to know about your experience.

Out & about - Cirque du Soir

We all like to go out, get a bit intoxicated, dance and see our friends. And seeing as I do this a lot I thought I may review some of the clubs I happen to go to, and maybe give you an idea of where's good to go.

Cirque Du Soir is one of my favourite clubs to go to with the girls. It may not be a hip house club but I'm telling you now, it's bloody good fun.

Where: Ganton Street (Just off Carnaby Street)

Nearest tube: Oxford Circus

Price: Free for girls before 11pm £20 otherwise

Dress code: Party wear, always wear heels and a full face of make-up ladies. Men, no manky shoes, smart casual. 

 One of the many pictures taken in the hole in a face thing.

An attraction of the club.

Right so to put it straight this is an upscale kind of club where you'd find celebrities and such. So they do judge you on your looks and on your age unfortunately, but that's the way the cookie crumbles unless you have a shit load of dosh.

 Inside the club.

Once your in the place it's oh so lavishly done, think Alice in Wonderland! Rippled mirrors decorate the entrance like the kind you find in those mirror mazes at the circus, hence the name. All the staff are dressed up for full effect, clowns, ringmasters, they go all out. You have acts which appear throughout the night, such a contortionists, magicians, weird transvestite's, midgets, everything! There is another room leading off from the main dance floor which is so much fun! There are beds, sounds tacky but people just chat or chill out on them, or in my case where there is a free popcorn machine, there are popcorn fights on them.

 Also a place to get your face painted or covered in glitter, if you're needing another snack there is a candyfloss machine! So much food I don't need to pack a snack out with me. There has also been a new addition and that's a photo booth! £5 a pop isn't cheap but isn't expensive either, so not bad.  The staff are really helpful however if it's a busy night they can seem a bit in a hurry everywhere but that's understandable. The toilet attendants, well they are amazing! I love them, they are fricking hilarious. Well the toilets are just amazing, the men's have rolling stone urinals, where they pee into a mouth.

 Casually posing in the men's toilets.

 My friend nicked the toilet attendants wig, we wanted a photo with these amazing people.

Music is pretty standard, sometimes the dj's are good and play decent music, but it's mainly chart music, however I'm trashed by this point and don't give a shit, "Nigga's in Paris" is always a classic. From past experiences it's never failed me this club, I was there for Will.I.Am's music video filming for "This is love" which was so much fun however tiring. I've also partied with the likes of Matt Smith, y'know Dr Sexy Who. I highly recommend this club, but unless your on a guest list/table it will cost you a dollar or few.

 In the men's toilet again, yes when they wash their hands it looks like they are bumming the girls! Oh la la!

Just taking a nap.

If you don't know, don't worry. - Cirque Du Soir.